Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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