Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
