Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
