It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
