I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i will never coherently bang her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
