hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
