the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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