Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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