Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize