I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
