cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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