I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
