I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
