I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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