so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
