New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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