I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
