If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
not ubering you a puppy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
