walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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