I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
