my sisters under your porch take her home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
