So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
