Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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