I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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