There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
