my sisters under your porch take her home
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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