Capitaan dildo arrescate!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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