So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
