I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
