I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
