That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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