Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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