She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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