My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
