I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
