im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
