I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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