I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
