Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
