You're completely useless in the revolution.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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