Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
