It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
