there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
