I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
