Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
