Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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