your room smells of hookers.
And success
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
