can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
