I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
