i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize