somebody snuck up and got me drunk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
