Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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