woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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