I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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