I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
