Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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