Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
where am i from again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
