so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize