how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
