I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
