my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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