Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
