i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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