He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
