Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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