we have pet lesbian snakes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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