his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
