i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
