so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
