She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
