I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
