i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
