Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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