sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i think i just lost a toe
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