I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
