Kiss
Puke
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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