Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
