your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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