i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
