I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she peed on how many people?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
