You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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