Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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