For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
