my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
