i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
