Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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