Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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