Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize