Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
