K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
