Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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