I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
