I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
