I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you.
Bad choice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
