We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
