in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
