I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
