only if we run a train.
done.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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