I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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