I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize