Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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