You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
