oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize