Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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