then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
