OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
