a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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