Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We talked him into tasing himself.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
