Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
