My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
