My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
