dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
