Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize