apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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