I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
