He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
