her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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